Barnstorming on an Invisible Segway

If you want to do something useful, rather than merely contemplate our new cucurbit overlords, slice or chop in small pieces, put in bowls, cover with about 1 tsp salt per handful of pieces (usually, 1 tsp salt per cuke, but I don't know how to measure for your monster.) Allow to sit overnight in a cool place, fridge if it fits. Drain, rinse and drain again if you don't want it too salty. Put in jars - old mayo jars work well, and cover with vinegar, or vinegar boiled with an equal amount of sugar, or vinegar and dill. Garlic and peppercorns are useful, as is tumeric. If you are lazy, like I am, just crank the lids on tight and put in the back of the fridge for a week or a month. Otherwise, consult someone about how to process pickles so you don't have to refrigerate them. If you don't like them, bring them to potlucks and family gatherings. Someone *will* like them.

An officemate gave me a zucchini once that made me want to encounter the downtown groper so I could beat him to death with it.

Ah, geography, so fascinating.

At about 42 degrees latitude we have just, this weekend, pulled in our cucumber trellis and cleared the plants for the year. There were a few cukes left but the plants were obviously exhausted and done for the year. And, in terms of cucumber-eating, we were exhausted and done for the year too.

Simultaneously, about two degrees northward, Mrissa is harvesting cucumbers which double as lethal weapons or sports equipment.

Three to four degrees above that, miz_hatbox hasn't really begun to harvest yet.

This is not baffling to anyone except someone who was born and raised in the Deep South and therefore taught that everything above 39 degrees latitude is all the same temperature (until you get to Canada, where it becomes Really Cold as soon as you cross the border. In Louisiana it is assumed that Canadians walk through snowdrifts all year long).

I think nonelvis might have taken down the cucumbers a bit too soon, actually. The tomatoes will keep going well into September.